Today has been such an emotional day. I realized that many of the petty stuff I have been struggling with are nothing in the grand scheme of things. If we are to look at the bible we see many people struggling with faith in God. Bad things happen to really good people all the time, read the bible. Many people in the Bible also question god and have struggle with their faith. Today I lost all my emotions listening Betty story. Please click on this link and starting playing around 31 minutes http://www.blackhawkmedia.org/MP3/2012Jul29.mp3.
Betty really made me start thinking about my faith and how weak I feel my faith is in comparison. I think of all the small things that I have been thinking about day to day. Someone who has ovarian cancer and says she can trust in God and is okay with his plan. I know that I need to earn to grow more study in his gospel. I am so thankful for my roommate for coming to church with me today and being able to experience the feelings I felt today, and knowing that I am not alone. I do feel scared some days to what if happens. This month (especially during July) I have this thought of why some people and not me? Why did my brother pass away so early in his life? I can't describe the emotions or the thoughts of what if he was still alive today? Would I be close to him? Would he still chase me around the house in a mask and scare me? I miss him I miss what I knew of him. And I can't tell you that I have never thought why him? Why at that time? Why so young? I don't want to overuse the phrase " Things happen for a reason" because yes obviously they do happen for a reason that we don't know about. The struggle parts comes in faith and why exactly do they happen? I am really trying to feel the feelings I feel on a Sunday and bring them into my weekly day life. The only way I can grow and have faith is if I practice his word everyday. I do fall short many days and there are good days that I can be even better. But today I want to start enjoying the people around and taking it all in. We may never know what the future may bring us, but to enjoy the present more.
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